In 2019, I have decided to not hide parts of myself for anyone. I will no longer compromise my truth to make anyone comfortable. I am aware of the amount of courage this intention will ask of me as I reject the box society tries to place on me.
I have been working at this same job with the same people for almost 10 months now. Only two people bothered to learn my name, Juaquina. I come in on my days off, I work overtime almost every single day, I work hard.
I’m not sure why they call creative vocations dream jobs. The process of pursuing your calling is the most challenging process a person will ever have to go through. Jumping over hurdles of rejection and low self-esteem is not for the weak of heart.
When I was six years old, I wrote my first poem. I remember the moment very vividly. I was standing in the driveway of my family’s home, when I looked into the sky. It appeared that a storm was approaching, and I could hear the rumble of thunder in the distance.
I wish I could adequately put into words the closeness I experience with God. This is my desire, not so that you will feel I am holier or try to mimic how I converse with Jesus, but so that you would be encouraged to continue on your own journey.
I will no longer allow you to use me emotionally. I will not be your support system and listening ear. I will not answer every time you call, nor will I be prompt in my responses to your texts. I am not your filler.
Last night I tried to stop breathing, but the beat in my soul would not let me. I wanted permission to escape from the prison I don’t belong in. This confinement was starting to feel like home, and that disturbed me.